Man trapped for three days waiting for wife to finish her story

A MAN was trapped in his house for three days while his wife told him about a thing that happened to her at work, it has emerged.

Boyfriend accused of not taking ghost tour seriously

A WOMAN is deeply disappointed in her boyfriend for not treating a ghost tour in London with the seriousness it deserved.

'F**k off, the f**king lot of you' man jokingly tells family

A FATHER has light-heartedly told his family that the whole fucking lot of them can fuck off only for it to be taken the wrong way.

Man only becomes emotionally intelligent when listening to Springsteen

A MAN can only become emotionally intelligent while listening to Bruce Springsteen songs, his partner has discovered.

Mother proudest of child who earns the most

A MOTHER-OF-THREE has admitted that her favourite child is the one with the highest per annum income.

Woman realises she only got married because smartphones had still to be invented

A WOMAN has realised that she would never have felt the need to get married if smartphones had been invented.

Which lies are fun to tell kids and which are therapy waiting to happen?

LYING to children is encouraged in some circumstances, like the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, but less so in others, like chewing gum being fatal or Candyman. Which are which?

Couple marrying abroad hoping no-one comes

A COUPLE marrying overseas are doing it so their wedding is too much of an expensive pain in the arse to actually go to, they have confirmed.

Highly advanced six-year-old already forgetting Mother's Day

A GIFTED six-year-old is already panic-buying a card and chocolates for his mother at a 24-hour garage, his proud father has confirmed.

Five incredibly annoying names to call yourself if you're too hip for 'Godparent'

ARE you too cool to be a godparent, so are insisting on a special name for your role as an allegedly wise figure in some hapless child’s life?