Naive idiot loads dishwasher just in time for wife to rearrange it

A MAN is in a state of confusion after loading the dishwasher only for his wife to take everything out and put it back in again.

Woman who stopped listening to friend's problems five minutes ago hopes she's giving right advice

A WOMAN who tuned out her friend’s whinges about her love life five minutes ago is having a stab in the dark at some sage advice.

Child makes sure parents are fully committed to saying 'no' by asking 653 more times

A CHILD unconvinced that her mum and dad mean ‘no’ when they say it is testing her theory by asking the same question several hundred more times.

Man guarantees sex will never happen again by calling it 'totes amazeballs'

A MAN has guaranteed that sex is over forever by describing his latest experience as 'totes amazeballs'.

How to humiliate yourself trying to pull someone out of your league

ARE you wrongly convinced you can woo that really attractive friend or person at work? Here’s how to embarrass yourself horribly.

How to make friends without getting pissed together

SINCE the age of 14, the only way to forge new bonds has been to get shitfaced with someone until you’re suddenly best mates. But what if new responsibilities, career choices or health issues make that impossible?

LGBT lessons f**king excellent compared to maths, say children

CHILDREN want lessons about same-sex relationships to continue, but mainly because they are an excellent doss, they have announced.

New grandparents can't wait to start undoing all parents' hard work

THE proud grandparents of a newborn baby cannot wait to get started undermining all his parents’ hard work in every way possible.

Couple's relationship in crisis after phone-free evening

A COUPLE are strongly considering splitting up after deciding to turn off their phones for an entire evening.

Key to happy relationship is remembering you obviously can't do any better

THE key to a happy relationship is reminding yourself that you cannot possibly do any better, it has been confirmed.