Relationships

How to get just the right amount of drunk on a date

TOO much booze and you’ll remember nothing; too little and you’ll see your date for who they really are. Here's how to get your level of drunkenness just right.

Cat not ready to put a label on your relationship

A CAT whose devoted owner would lay down her life for him does not want to spoil things by labelling them.

How to walk away from every conversation with lasting regret

YET to complete an interaction that wasn’t steeped in awkwardness, misunderstanding and regret?

Baby gets applauded for f**k all, thinks father

A FATHER has confessed he thinks the praise and attention his infant son receives is a bit over the top, considering he doesn’t do much.

How to sabotage your partner's early bedtime

IS your partner being a dick and getting an early night as if that makes them better than you? Here’s how to shit all over that plan.

Six relationships that make you wonder what the f**k you saw in them

SOMETIMES you’re genuinely puzzled as to what you saw in an ex-partner. Here are some that will forever remain a mystery, like the Mary Celeste but less interesting.

How to make sure you are your kids' favourite parent

IT'S your duty to bring your children up well, but it’s more important to make them love you more than your partner. Here’s how to make sure you’re number one.

The seven levels of panic when your girlfriend says 'I'm fine'

FEW statements uttered by a girlfriend put you on edge like the festering ambiguity of ‘I’m fine’. Here are the seven levels of panic you’ll experience when you hear these words.

Five disgusting uses for household items your partner doesn't know about

ARE you a vile slob in the privacy of your own home? The answer is ‘yes’. Here are some horrible little habits that, if discovered by your other half, would make them go ballistic.

Seven relationship f**k-ups for ugly people

ARE you single, ugly and looking for love? Avoid these glaring f**k-ups only hot people can get away with.