Relationships

MEN have been given formal notice that, despite how wonderful they find it, sex with them does not count as a gift.

CRASS commercialism isn’t romance. True love is respecting a man sticking by his principles. That’s why I, Julian Cook aged 28, will be alone tomorrow night.

A WOMAN who thinks the world revolves around her was selfishly expecting her date to find out something about her life.

A SINGLE area of common ground between the husbands of two best friends means they are condemned to endure each other’s company for eternity.

HAVING a disagreement with your female partner? Think you've got the upper hand? Prepare to be blown out of the water by one of these counterstrikes.

A MAN with a dense forest of pubes between his legs is sickened by a woman with unshaved armpits, he has announced.

KNOW a couple who claim they’re meant to be together when they clearly hate each other’s guts? They’re probably one of these types.

A CONFUSED, elderly mum would like her daughter to kindly explain exactly what the word ‘pegging’ means.

STANDING there, cock out, when your trouser pocket begins to vibrate a merry tune? How does she know these are the times to call?

WITH eight days to go before Valentine’s Day, if you want to get out of buying chocolates and giving head you need to get dumped now. Follow these tips: