Relationships

YOUNGSTERS are learning disturbing sexual practices from online porn, according to the Children’s Commissioner for England. Here are some it’s never crossed your mind to try.

NOBODY can lie forever, but new relationships are delicate. Follow this timetable to gently introduce your new love to the real, disgusting you.

‘HEY! Had a good Coronation?’ You don’t care. You just want to know if they’re still with that knobhead. These are the weak excuses you’ll use for contact out of the blue.

A COUPLE know that they will always be faithful to one another because neither can be arsed having an affair.

EXCITED to attend a good friend’s wedding only to realise you’re sat at the dregs table with the other people they don’t really like? Here’s how to cope.

AN unusual couple have an unsettling story about how they got together that does not involve vast quantities of alcohol followed by forgettable sex.

IF you’ve not had sex for ages it’s obviously not your fault. So who is to blame? And how can you stop them sabotaging the mind-blowing sex you’d be having otherwise?

A LUCKY man has scored his first shag in months after his girlfriend discovered there were no AAA batteries left in the drawer.

MANY of us take inspiration from porn, whether getting nails done or hanging an abstract painting over a white sofa. But never take these things into real life.

A MAN has no qualms about being a meaningless hook up to distract from feelings of sadness so long as he is getting some, it has emerged.