CHILDREN who are only taken on holidays in the UK have either done something terrible or are simply worthless, their parents have confirmed.
Malleable young minds making lifelong memories who instead of being taken to Mallorca or Crete are taken to Aberystwyth will, after a fortnight, be in no doubt they are not valued and they are to blame.
Father-of-two Tom Booker said: “Your friend Esther’s being taken to Disneyland? And you’re being taken to a static caravan in Skegness. Get it yet?
“Have a look through my old photos if you like. You’ll see me and your mum in Thailand, Morocco, New York. Compare it to your own memories of Filey and the Isle of Wight, and think about why.
“Sorry kids, but international air travel with you two, given your key holiday activities are whining for ice-creams and bleating about sand in your Crocs, would be a waste of time, money and carbon. You can do all that right here under overcast skies.
“Prove me wrong and we’ll consider CentreParcs next year. Until then, go on the 2p waterfalls and fervently wish you were back at home.”
Arcade owner Norman Steele said: “If we’re to return Britain’s seaside resorts to their golden age we need every child to be disregarded, like in the 1970s.”
