A YOUNG cow has been excited to learn she will one day become a trench coat worn by a goth, it has emerged.
Three-year-old heifer Bluebell was thrilled to overhear that her hide will be repurposed after she is slaughtered to become a flowing coat worn by a moody man who exclusively listens to Cradle of Filth.
She said: “I thought I was only destined to become a few hundred burgers and loads of pints of milk, so transforming into a trendy piece of clothing is a real bonus.
“Ideally I’d magically metamorphose like a caterpillar into a butterfly rather than getting shot in the head with a bolt gun. I’ve just got a hunch that would be more fun for me.
“I shouldn’t be picky though. The only thing horses can aspire to is a pot of glue, which is much less glam. With any luck I’ll be whisked off to dingy second-hand record shops and the odd graveyard when my time comes.”
Goth Wayne Hayes said: “I’m already looking forward to pairing Bluebell with my creased Joy Division T-shirt and rank body odour, before finally losing her in a shit metal night’s cloakroom.”