Government backs 'North London Powerhouse'

THE government has given its backing to the multi-million pound ‘North London Powerhouse’.

The controversial project will bring long-needed investment to neglected areas like Camden and Islington, and will finally provide residents with a transport link to central London.

Transport secretary Chris Grayling said: “With the new rail link, we will open up possibilities to them in Soho and Westminster that were previously impossible without taking the Northern Line.”

As part of the proposal, the government will invest several million pounds supporting North London’s traditional industries of funky vintage fashion boutiques and cheesemongers.

Joanna Kramer, from Highgate, said: “Too many people think the most northerly point in Britain is King’s Cross, when it’s actually Alexandra Palace.

“Thanks to the North London Powerhouse, I’ll finally be able to see the lights of the big city up close, rather than having to look down at them from my eighteenth-century hillside townhouse.”

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Middle class men to buy their sex robots from John Lewis

MIDDLE class men have decided that when sex robots become widely available they will buy theirs from John Lewis. 

Chartered accountant Tom Logan has weighed up the options and decided the John Lewis sexbot will combine luxury, affordability and discretion.

He said: “My friend Mark buys his electronics from Tesco, which is fine I suppose, but when it comes to sex robots it needs to be very good quality.

“The John Lewis sex robot will be tasteful, available in either mute ivory or dove grey with walnut detailing, and of course it’ll come with a five-year no-nonsense guarantee.”

Dentist Martin Bishop added: “It – she – will come with all the extra functions and speeds that fancy designer models do, but without all the intrusive labels or tacky celebrity voices.

“Yes, she’ll be more expensive than the ones from Ikea and Dixons and I’m sure some middle class men will get a German one from Aldi and claim it’s better and cheaper, but for me it will be worth paying the extra.”

Logan added: “And, of course, if it’s from John Lewis my wife will approve completely.”