A MORON Londoner is learning to drive in the belief it will get her around the city faster.
Penge resident Lucy Parry, aged 21, has decided that the city’s underground network, overground network, buses, taxis, Ubers and rickshaws are not convenient enough so is subjecting herself to the ordeal of learning to drive in the capital.
Parry said: “Nobody I know living in London has bothered getting a driving licence, so the roads must be pretty empty. Pootling from Wembley to Greenwich during rush hour will be a doddle.
“Once I’ve got my driving licence I can wave goodbye to crowded commutes on the Bakerloo line, and say hello to awe and jealousy as I effortlessly swerve into one of the many available city centre parking spaces.
“And it’s so much more cost-effective. Instead of forking out on Travelcards and coffees, I’ll just have to pay for a car, insurance, road tax, fuel and the congestion charge. I can put my savings towards a deposit.
“I’m so sick of bloody rude elbowing commuters. I can’t wait to join my courteous fellow motorists with a cheery wave and pip of the horn as we deferentially give way to each other.”
Instructor Martin Bishop said: “In Lucy’s first lesson she stalled so many times, she caused tailbacks on the A213 as far back as Croydon. I charged her £28 for it and will be charging that weekly for two years.”