Magazine editor 'the worst kind of whore'

A MEN’S magazine editor is disgusted with himself for doing anything his advertisers ask him to.

Tom Logan, editor of Man, has abandoned even the minimal standards of journalistic integrity required of a lifestyle magazine in favour of articles that are quite obviously adverts.

Logan said: “I feel sick when I think about some of the things I’ve done for money. This month we’re running the article ‘Britain’s blokiest brunches’, which is really a plug for some dismal corporation.

“Last month we published six pages of paid-for crud about ‘must-have’ electronic gadgets from various retailers. One of them was a digital barometer, for Christ’s sake.

“Basically I’m prostituting the magazine and myself, although prostitutes have more dignity because they’re doing it to survive. I do it to buy more Ben Sherman shirts.

“Sometimes I go home and shower for hours, trying to wash away the shame of claiming women will sleep with any man who has a patio heater.”

Logan said his lowest point was an article claiming that a popular brand of cheddar cheese was an ideal source of protein for readers attempting to increase their muscle mass.

He added: “I’d have more self-respect if I’d just noshed off their marketing manager in the lay-by. But that wouldn’t have resulted in a lucrative two-page advert.”

Man reader Wayne Hayes said: “I laid a patio just so I could get one of those heaters and I’ve had no intercourse since.

“I thought this magazine was my mate.”

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Economic recovery delivers poll boost for nutters

THE economic recovery is finally paying dividends for Britain’s craziest political nutjobs.

As predicted, the return to growth and the fall in unemployment have boosted a rag-bag collection of foaming, googly-eyed weirdos who could not be trusted to plug in a lamp.

According to experts, UKIP beating the Tories into second place in a by-election is ‘textbook stuff’.

Julian Cook, professor of politics at Roehampton University, said: “The party that should never, ever, ever be in power is always the first to benefit from economic good news.

“UKIP really struggled during the recession because that’s when people are least likely to grab at simplistic solutions dreamt up by monstrous cretins.

“They really come into their own as soon as things pick up because people need to be reassured by their incoherent message and jaw-dropping insanity.”

He added: “If real incomes start rising again UKIP could even win a by-election, especially if their candidate has a PhD in climatology and anal sex.”