Modern progressive man making sure everyone knows it

A MAN who believes in total gender equality takes every available opportunity to mention it.

Stephen Malley, 38, who works part time and looks after the kids for two days a week wants you to know that he’s totally fine with it unlike those other men for whom tired gender stereotypes still exist.

Malley said: “If Suzie wants to focus on her career I can take care of the domestic side. I see myself as very ‘role-fluid’, whether than means mopping the floor or even changing a nappy that has an actual human shit in it.

“I don’t need to detail all the progressive things I do because cooking, cleaning and regular sensitive lovemaking shouldn’t be confined to a man or a woman.

“This morning, for example, I made my wife a cup of tea without her even asking. Because I’m all about subverting gender norms.”

Malley’s wife Suzi said: “Steve plays a lot of Call of Duty late into the night. So he’s a modern progressive guy who also needs to violently kill a lot of virtual humans.”

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Estate agents amazed that bedsits in grim bits of London not selling for £1m

LONDON estate agents can see no reason why depressing bedsits in Clapham are not meeting their £1m valuations. 

Senior staff from Foxtons, Knight Frank, and Savills held a summit to solve the mystery before concluding that it was as unfathomable as nuclear fusion. 

Estate agent Carolyn Ryan said: “By all known laws of the universe, these properties should be selling like hotcakes. But somehow, incredibly, they’re not. 

“I mean we’re talking modern living spaces by award-winning architects with a close-knit community mix of boutique and aspirational retail opportunities on the doorstep.

“Yes, layout-wise it’s a a single-room human containment unit with a ‘hybrid kitchen sink and urinal’ if you’re willing to pay the extra £22k, but how these cannot sell when three-beds in Blackburn are being snapped up at a tenth of the price baffles me. 

“It’s like we’ve slipped into a parallel universe where everything we know is wrong. Or rather everyone else has.

“Us estate agents are still here, in the real world.”