Office full of weird cliques no one would ever want to join

AN office is full of cliques formed by people no one would ever want to hang out with, it has emerged.

Administrator Nikki Hollis’ co-workers are completely dismissive of anyone outside their workplace clique, despite all being totally uninteresting arseholes.

Hollis said: “The IT guys ignore any attempt to be friendly, which would be a real blow if I wanted to talk about IP addresses and some computer game called Dwarf Castle Builder.

“The accounts team blank me too but they sit in complete silence for eight hours a day apart from sighing occasionally, so I’m probably not missing out on too much.

“Even the people I sit with ignore me. They act like they’re Jennifer Lawrence and her A-list party pals but actually they’re boring bastards who once discussed Iain’s turkey sandwich for 45 minutes.

“I thought people in cliques were meant to look down on you because they’re cool.”

Hollis’s latest snub was not being invited to lunch, although eating an unpleasant prawn sandwich alone at her desk was actually more enjoyable than listening to Gavin wanking on about buying a car off the internet.

Post room supervisor Roy Hobbs said: “Nikki could one day be admitted to our elite social circle if she develops an interest in franking machines and martial arts movies.”

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Lego confirms Fifty Shades of Grey sequel

LEGO will make the next film in the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, it has been confirmed.

Fifty Shades of Yellow, about a rich, kinky businessman made of Lego, will be the first ‘adult’ movie that Lego has tackled if you do not count Batman which surely you do not.

Producer Emma Bradford said: “We’re unleashing the dark side of Lego.

“The great thing about using Lego actors in bondage scenes is you don’t have to tie them down, you just clip their feet onto the plastic base and they stay perfectly still. We could tie them down but that would be more for our own amusement than anything.”

Lego already has more adult films in the pipeline including Mullego Drive, Lego Bridge on the River Kwai and TV series The Secret Diary of a Call Girl Made of Lego.

Bradford said: “We might do a Lego reboot of The Elephant Man, only in our version he can take his head off and swap it for a perfectly normal one.

Proving once and for all that Lego can do things that medical science simply can’t.”