A MAN has given a Black and Decker Workmate to his son in a desperate bid to stop him being so pathetic.
Jim Bishop gave the work bench to 29 year-old Martin as a birthday present, along with a drill and a copy of the Reader’s Digest DIY Manual.
Jim said: “Hopefully it will ignite some kind of primal instinct to do something with his hands other than his constant, furtive masturbation.
“Even if he just makes a spoon for stirring one of his manky little vegetarian casseroles. That would be a start and I would no longer have to deny his existence.”
But Martin added: “At first I thought it was a bench for very tall people, but apparently it’s for DIY projects.
“It’s a nice thought, but I’ve no cause to touch tools of any kind. I give money to large men to fix things for me.
“If I buy a spoon and attach it to the drill, I could make some really creamy houmous.”