Stag do spiralled into tameness

A STAG party has totally petered out after only three hours of drinking.

Tom Logan’s stag party was initially a week in Magaluf, before being downgraded to two nights in Amsterdam and then to drinks at the Slug & Lettuce in Weybridge.

Bawdy anecdotes, chanting and leering at passing women failed to occur. Only two of the group wore the official ‘Logan’s Run’ t-shirts and by 10 o clock everyone was discussing instant access ISAs.

Throughout the evening guests were surreptitiously checking train times on their smartphones while claiming to be searching for the latest celebrity nudes.

Best man Stephen Malley said: “We were all completely up for this one getting seriously messy.

“But I had to pop by the office tomorrow morning and Mike was taking his kids to swimming lessons first thing.”

Malley had hoped to enliven things with a sex-themed drinking game, but nobody got into it.

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Parliament puts on Black Sabbath to get everyone in war mood

THE Speaker of the House has stuck on his special war CD to get ministers fired up.

The compilation disc, which includes tracks by Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Nas and Oasis, will be played on repeat during the debate about military action in Syria.

Speaker John Bercow said: “The right soundtrack is incredibly important. During the Syria debate last year, the CD changer got stuck on a Café del Mar album and everyone was too blissed out to really go for it.

“This time I’ve got it perfectly sequenced so AC/DC’s If You Want Blood plays immediately before they go out to the lobbies.

“I’d like to see anyone rebel against that.”