THE Territorial Army has been renamed to reflect its target demographic.
Defence secretary Philip Hammond believes the new name highlights the single compelling reason a person might decide to spend their weekends getting shot at.
He said: “We desperately need more free soldiers, and our best bet is unhappily married men who aren’t into golf or fishing.
“They are used to taking orders, operating in highly stressful situations and have a great deal of pent-up aggression.”
A new poster campaign promoting People With Really Awful Home Lives asks, ‘Why visit the in-laws, when you could eat tinned gammon in a ditch while things explode around you?’
Plumber Roy Hobbs said: “Everything about being in the proper army seemed awful to me, never mind doing it on a voluntary basis.
“However my wife has just announced that her recently divorced sister is coming over for a weekend-long Jude Law DVD marathon at which I will be the unofficial butler.
“Suddenly being dropped into a cave complex full of heavily armed psychopaths is quite appealing.”