A WOMAN would really like to drink something that has not been heated up and had loads of spices and other shit put in it.
Emma Bradshaw just wants to enjoy a nice, cold glass of alcohol that is not full of sugar and bits of twig, but has been increasingly unable to find one in the run up to Christmas.
Bradshaw said: “I’m aware that mulled wine is to be expected at this time of year, and I can begrudgingly accept mulled cider too, but people are mulling shit left, right and centre nowadays.
“It’s not like we work outside all day in freezing snow and need warming beverages to stop us getting frostbite. The coldest I ever get is when one of the menopausal ladies in the office is allowed to control the air conditioning.”
She added: “Being wankered the whole time is the point of Christmas, so why ruin some perfectly decent alcohol by diluting it with juice and then heating it until all the lovely alcohol evaporates?
“In any other context it would be considered insane, like giving someone a mug of boiling lager with a sprig of lavender in. Oh wait, they actually sell that in my local hipster café.