Society

Five things dickheads say instead of 'please'

COMMON courtesy costs nothing, but some people prefer the pathetic ego trip of throwing their weight around. Here are the pseudo-insults they mistake for ‘please’.

Met applauded for their brave anti-woke stance

THE Metropolitan Police are taking a courageous stand against wokeness by being racist, sexist and homophobic.

Son feels like he's forgotten something

A SON has got the nagging feeling that he has forgotten to do something important today, it has emerged.

Pubs overrun with cultural appropriation

ENGLISH pubs are today awash with tacky hijackings of hallowed Irish culture, it has emerged.

Motorist with 20 years' experience still a bit shaky on roundabouts

A MAN who has racked up two decades on the roads still remains totally baffled whenever he encounters a roundabout.

Five perfectly normal things that dickheads have decided are woke

HAS the culture war distorted your worldview into that of a dickhead? Do you consider these everyday things to be woke overreach?

Six things that are wasted on young people, and it's not just because you're bitter and middle-aged

YOUNG people have the best of everything life has to offer and are too entitled to appreciate it, explains 49-year-old Joanna Kramer.

Charging for lockers at your £45-a-month gym, and five other things that take the f**king piss

LIFE contains delightful wonders, all vastly outweighed by the number of pissy little irritations that spoil it. Like these

Younger generation can only be such censorious little shits because they've got pornography

YOUNG people demanding all exploitative sexual content be removed from the world can afford to be moralistic because they have infinite porn in their pockets.