Society

GOT kids? Wondering where all that money you throw at them goes? Learn about the useless tat they piss it away on with this guide.

A CHILD can operate a self-checkout but you’ve messed it up - again. Here’s how much the underpaid staff hate you based on the stupidity of your error.

FIREWORKS are once again being snapped up by the sorts of people least suited to using them.

FEEL like being patronised, terrified or treated like an imbecile for no good reason? Don’t worry, these grating signs can be found in any populated area. 

FAMILIES have infested every part of society and are constantly in your way thanks to half term, it has emerged.

SUELLA Braverman has quizzed the Met as to why they did not treat pro-Palestinian protesters like women, it has emerged.

A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD boy living in Stoke has been confirmed as the UK’s youngest gammon.

A CHILD has begun telling jokes with zero understanding of what a joke actually is, her weary parents have noted.

SHE’S cute, you’re horny; why not throw in a compliment and see what happens? But never one of these.

DID your small child come out with a nugget of profound wisdom you selflessly passed on to others? No they f**king didn’t. Children do not say these things.