NIGEL Farage has appealed to morons this week by calling for an end to working from home. Here’s why it isn’t as bad as he fears.
The wanking isn’t that excessive
Oh sure, at the beginning people who work from home are knocking one out at least five times a day. Nobody can maintain that level of self-abuse though. The punishing hours spent hunched over watching Pornhub soon take their toll, and your genitals become numb to every toy and gel on the market. So over the course of a career the wanking averages out, actually.
Solitude is better than being surrounded by colleagues
Anti-WFH types seem to think that people love to toil away in the company of co-workers they broadly despise. Humans may be social creatures, but that’s with friends and loved ones, not line managers who put you on a PIP for a pathetic power trip. Most staff would happily swap the office for a padded isolation cell, if companies had such progressive workplace policies.
Productivity is roughly the same
Do people who work from home piss away huge chunks of their day? Most definitely. This behaviour isn’t exclusive to them though. Offices and factory floors across the country are humming away with the fake activity of people running out the clock. The pandemic proved that society can doss its way to achieving acceptable productivity, so why bother over-exerting ourselves?
Not all jobs have to be done in soul-crushing offices
Welders and plumbers have to physically go to places to do their work, but that doesn’t mean data inputters or marketing assistants do. It’s a cushy trade-off for having a job nobody respects. Besides, if tradesmen could do their work remotely while lying in bed and drinking a beer, they absolutely would.
It’s the perfect place to film Cameo videos
According to his own rhetoric, Farage should film his personalised videos for £70 a pop in an office and not his home, unless he wants to look like a hypocrite. So he’d better start wasting money and time commuting right away. Although he could just opt for the hypocrisy, as Reform voters don’t mind looking like mugs. How’s that £350 million a week for the NHS coming along? Any word on that yet?
