Brexit: why did nobody point out there could be downsides?

AS the chancellor blames Brexit for damaging the UK’s economy, we ask: why didn’t anyone suggest there could be negative effects back in 2016? 

It’s all very well telling the International Monetary Fund that it’s delivered a four per cent hit to our economy now. But it would have been genuinely useful for this information to be imparted in the years following the Leave vote.

Perhaps if the populace knew then they faced years of decline, they would have considered a softer Brexit or even a second referendum, rather than rushing headlong into the unknown.

Where were the economists then? Where was the principled opposition raising inconvenient facts? Caught up in the same excitement to throw off the shackles of tyranny as everyone else, no doubt.

And it’s not just the economy. These small boats never happened before Brexit. A few words about the consequences of withdrawing from EU immigration agreements would have been helpful!

Well, as Boris Johnson said when criticised for lack of planning at the Covid enquiry yesterday, everything is clear in hindsight. Actually he was prime minister when Brexit happened, though don’t make too much of that. An amusing coincidence, is all.

But, just as it would have been helpful if the realities of global warming were pointed out in the 1980s, perhaps next time there’s a looming disaster these clever dicks could speak up sooner.

Never mind, it’s done now so we shall have to make the best of it. How about a Reform government? Anyone got any reason why not? Didn’t think so.

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Why your ex is a classic toxic narcissistic psychopath and you'd take her back tomorrow

AFTER a full nine minutes on an American website, you’ve successfully diagnosed your ex as a narcissist. This explains why the relationship was toxic and why you want her back: 

She has incredible breasts

Narcissists are obsessed with constant admiration, which manifests itself in behaviours like low-cut tops and sending you cleavage shots before the second date. Nice, normal girls don’t do that. She used sex as a weapon to hurt you. You were okay with it.

You were punching

The classic narc will seek a partner they regard as beneath themselves, which offers them feelings of control and superiority. It also meant that your mates were jealous and there was pub-based speculation about the size of your appendage. There isn’t now. Just silence.

She love-bombed you

Narcissists begin by showering their victims with adoration and praise, trying to progress the relationship as quickly as possible. In your case, this translated into first-date oral and that’s never, ever going to happen again so what’s a personality disorder in comparison?

She had a tempestuous nature

You nod along to a webpage all about how you were drawn into a toxic mix of gaslighting, destabilising mood changes and buying Balenciaga shoes on your credit card when you were in the shower. It sounds far better how she described it, that she was fiery and of Latin temperament even though she was from Goole. Four times in one night once.

She had no empathy

It was always about her feelings and never about yours. Though now you only remember the positives of that, like when she was on top and your role was to be supportive and get ridden. Were your feelings really worth more than that, looking back? Do you feel better now?

She hoovered you

No, not like that. Well, sometimes like that. Hoovering is a term for when a narc has discarded their prey but – fearing loneliness and lack of praise – tries to win them back. As such, there’s a real chance if you call her with this diagnosis you’d end up in bed together within the hour. You’d pay for her Uber over.