Cameron lists all the Scottish things he can think of

DAVID Cameron has listed more than 400 Scottish things, including Take The High Road, Finlays Crisps and Runrig.

The prime minister, speaking to an audience of hand-picked grouse farmers yesterday, spoke passionately and without any linking thread.

He said: “To begin with obviously Braveheart, shortbread, tartan, single-malt whisky, McEwan’s lager and the football team Rangers.

“Also Trainspotting, Celtic, Primal Scream, deep-frying things that would not customarily be deep-fried, Irn Bru, Teenage Fanclub and the Loch Ness Monster.

“Not to forget Oor Wullie, the Edinburgh Military Tattoo, Simple Minds, haggis, Gregory’s Girl and the magnificent Highlander.

“And of course Roddy Frame, Macbeth, Dr Finlay’s Casebook, Naked Video, Sawney Bean, Partick Thistle and Fish from Marillion.

“Finally, all-butter tablet, Belle & Sebastian, Grant Morrison, the Dandy, the Jesus and Mary Chain, Culloden, Glencoe, and the Highland Clearances.

“I trust I have won your support.”


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Microsoft buys Minecraft to find out what it is

MICROSOFT has paid $2.5 billion for computer game Minecraft to see what it does.

The 90s computer giant said the name sounded interesting and could possibly form part of its strategy to do something involving young people.

In a statement to the New York Stock Exchange, Microsoft said: “Apparently you build things. That’s as far as we got.”

Minecraft player Kyle Stephenson, aged 11, said: “You can spot the Microsoft people a mile off because they’re wandering around aimlessly looking for something to buy, or copy.

“I told them they have to build things, but they said they’re only good at building one thing 20 years ago and living off the proceeds forever.”

Microsoft also plans to buy the new Taylor Swift album, the Hunger Games books and one trillion loom bands.