Corbyn turns down free pot of gold

JEREMY Corbyn ignored a leprechaun’s offer of a huge amount of free gold, it has emerged.

The Labour leader, who did not even mention Iain Duncan Smith when facing off against the prime minister, was cycling home yesterday when a tiny green-clad man offered him untold riches for free.

Leprechaun Tom Booker said: “I was exhausted from carrying this heavy pot of solid gold coins around, and frankly I just decided it would be better to give it to the next stranger to cross my path.

“I said ‘Ho, stranger! How about a load of free gold!’ to this bearded gent. I even explained that it was ethically-mined fairy gold and that frankly he’d be doing me a favour by relieving me of a heavy burden.

“He just coughed and muttered something about having to get home to watch a television programme about canal boats.

“Strange man.”

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Holly and Phillip tired because they necked a load of gurners last night

THE hosts of This Morning have explained that they feel tired today because they stayed up all night taking pills.

A fried-looking Holly Willoughby explained to viewers that their night began with some godawful TV awards dinner but soon became more interesting.

She said: “Sorry if we seem a bit flakey today but we were at this shit work thing when Phil said ‘Fuck this, I’ve got a big bag of pingers, let’s go raving’.

“We ended up at a massive techno rave in an old railway arch. I’ve been up all night apart from when I passed out with my head in a bass bin.”

Phillip Schofield said: “I put a pill up my bum.

“Now here’s someone come to talk about some fucking diet book.”