Jacob Rees-Mogg 'viewed lithographs of Victorian ladies' ankles'

JACOB Rees-Mogg perused lithographs showing the bare ankles of Victorian strumpets in his constituency office, it has been claimed.

The Tory MP has denied all wrongdoing, claiming the 19th century prints with titles including Gentlemen’s Relish and The Coquettish Ones must have been left on his desk by a cleaner.

However a police spokesman said: “There were thousands of these faded lithographs showing stuff from flashes of ankles to glimpses of bare elbow during a tennis game.

“There was even one of an unmarried woman talking to a Welshman. Not really what an MP should be looking at whilst in the workplace.”

Onlookers reported seeing box after box of lithographs being removed from Rees-Mogg’s office, along with a fur-lined chastity belt and a DVD of I, Daniel Blake.

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Couple who always buy real Christmas tree still pretending it's a good idea

A COUPLE who buy a real tree every Christmas are still insisting it is not a ridiculous pain in the arse. 

Tom Booker and Nikki Hollis believe it is better to buy a brand new tree every year, dragging it home and leaving a trail of needles before watching it slowly droop and die for the next month.

Booker said: “It’s just so much more Christmassy to drive to a caravan site, hand over £65 to a man with very angry dogs, cram it into the hatchback, try to get it in the house, take the front door off its hinges and then realise it’s far too big for the house.

“There’s a lovely piney smell, quite like a Glade Sparkling Spruce Plug-In but fresher, and everyone remarks on it. ‘Oh, you’ve got a real tree,’ they say as we smile while standing on either side of it.”

Hollis added: “I can’t imagine getting an artificial tree out of the loft.

“I see them on sale at Asda. I don’t want to be that kind of person.”