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AFTER a controversial win over an MMA fighter last weekend, The Gypsy King has turned his thoughts to the next non-boxer he’d happily take on in the ring for £50 million.

I’ve always loved your shows, especially the bits where through careful editing and narration you grow to love a violent animal, and root for it to maul a zebra to death to feed its bloodthirsty young.

HE’S the last prime minister but one. They’re a news channel that cherishes free speech and impartially loves Tories. Will they fall for each other?

Teenage girls. Kindly establish what connection Harley Quinn has to Halloween before dressing as her and making every male over 18 feel like a paedophile.

WAKING up in a ditch near Doncaster, following an ecumenical retreat which developed into a most convivial affair, I find that while asleep I have been robbed of my mobile telephone and my wallet containing my cash and credit cards. 

I WOULD never use a terrorist atrocity to score cheap political points, but ask yourself this: how many Remoaners have stood up and called for Hamas to be hunted down like rabid dogs?

FOURTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, explains why he unjustly had his brand new iPhone confiscated in violation of his right to Snap.

ONLY middle-aged women with mum haircuts complain. Or so I thought until my McPlant Burger only came with small fries instead of medium and I was forced to become everything I hate.

YOU’VE made it this far, you’re actually having sex. Now be careful not to arse it up by throwing a terrible pet name into the mix mid-coitus.

Can’t the French just eat the bedbugs? Put them on the menu called ampules de sang de Paris like they’re a delicacy?