Chris Froome rebooted after crash

CYCLIST Chris Froome has been turned off, left for 30 seconds and turned back on again. 

The Tour de France rider froze and subsequently crashed mid-stage yesterday, with experts suggesting his processing core may have been overloaded.

Team leader Sir Dave Brailsford said: “It’s very difficult to find enough downtime to perform essential maintenance on these riders, and consequently they end up without all the latest updates and patches.

“When we looked at Froome properly his anti-virus was completely out of date, someone had installed banner adverts all over his clothing, and there were so many different Google Toolbars in his vision he was basically blind.

“We’ve defragmented him and he’s working fine now, much faster than before and without all those pop-ups.

“His competitiveness chips are still working as is his primary directive, which is of course to hunt and kill Bradley Wiggins.”

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Froome takes lead on Eurostar stage of Tour

CHRIS Froome has snatched the lead in the Tour de France after successfully elbowing his way to the front of the Eurostar queue.

The British cyclist and Mr C from The Shamen lookalike secured the yellow jersey by managing to get on the 6.01 from London St Pancras, giving him a precious advantage over his rivals stuck on the 6.31.

Spectator Nathan Muir said: ““He barged through the crowds waving his passport, bike under his arm while the peloton were still watching the departure boards and nursing coffees.

“I feel bad for Marcel Kittel but he should’ve known that the queue in Marks & Spencer would be a nightmare at that time of day. Plus he wasted five minutes looking for a Mars bar, when any true professional knows they only sell own brand.”

The controversial Eurostar stage is often seen as a great leveller as competitors are left with over two hours to traverse 18 carriages.

Froome injured his wrist while jumping over some inconsiderately-placed luggage, but recovered sufficiently to buy a can of Tango and a three cheese baguette from the buffet car.