ENGLAND cricket fans were celebrating last night as the national side
won a version of the game developed especially
Paul Collingwood’s team took the Twenty20 World Championship after beating a clearly confused Australian squad by seven wickets, 18 balls, half a litre of Diet Coke and a bag of Jenga blocks.
Australian captain Michael Clarke said: “We were knocking it over the boundary as usual, when Collingwood shouted ‘donkey hats are wild!’ and then rubbed some mango syrup into his legs.
“I asked the umpire what was going on and after consulting the rule book, which had obviously just been written in biro on the back of a till receipt, it appeared we had committed a ‘Triple Lohan’ and forfeited the match.”
The shortened version of the game was invented in 2003 to convince the under 12s that cricket was not just for elderly homosexuals and dysfunctional Yorkshiremen.
But ECB officials soon realised the new format could deliver first class international victories as each game would be finished long before the traditional English test collapse.
Over the years the hip and exciting rules have been adapted to include new features such as the Wheel Of Runs, The Hawaiian Stump’n’Slide and Pick-a-Card-Any-Card umpiring.
England fan Charlie Reeves said: “We are – in certain circumstances and conditions – the champions! We are – in certain circumstances and conditions – the champions!”