GRAND National winner Pineau De Re is the result of an evil doctor’s experiments injecting horse DNA into patients, it has emerged.
Suspicion about the horse’s exceptionally intelligent face prompted a police raid on Dr Newland’s surgery, where they discovered a nightmarish basement full of horse-human hybrids.
A police spokesman said: “There were men down there with hooves instead of hands, or who had normal bodies with massive horse heads. We burned the place to the ground.”
Dr Newland was obsessed with horse racing glory, but unable to afford a suitable animal he decided to make one by giving patients injections of horse DNA under the guise of ‘vitamin jabs’.
Colleague Dr Helen Archer said: His patients were capable of impressive bursts of speed, especially when the going was good-to-soft, but werent actually getting better.
“People complained that whatever their illness, Dr Newland recommended plenty of hay, regular shoeing and building their strength on the flat before moving on to steeplechases.”
Pineau De Re’s dental records show that the horse was once 36-year-old builder Wayne Hayes.
Hayes’s girlfriend Mary Fisher said: “He went to that doctor for his back pain, but soon afterwards started snorting and eating handfuls of sugar cubes.
“As things got worse he would stand motionless in fields with a massive erection, eating grass.”