WORLD Cup games are being held at unsociable times to suit Americans, of all bloody people. Which are you watching at 5am totally f**ked up?
Tom Booker, sheep-shearer: “Is that why there was football on? Thank Christ, I thought I was tripping so hard I’d fallen through a wormhole to 1995 and was watching Gazetta Football Italia.”
Steve Malley, satellite installer: “I will be, while blunted to f**k, convinced I’m controlling Australia vs Paraguay with my mind. And for all anyone cares about the result I might be.”
Norman Steele, tyre fitter: “I thought Starmer was opening the pubs for the football? And yet my local’s dark and shuttered when I need a 2am pint for Iran vs New Zealand. Another reason why he has to go.”
Eleanor Shaw, potter: “As a 51-year-old member of the rave generation, I already get flashbacks of Uzbekistan vs Columbia playing on my closed eyelids at 3am every night.”
Katie Shanahan, Fox Sport presenter: “Mainly dissociatives. I’m commentating.”
