EastEnders to get a UKIP family

BBC SOAP EastEnders has introduced a new family who all support UKIP.

The Wilshaws, who move into 5 Albert Square next week, are a working-class family whose patriarch Terry has lost his job growing curved cucumbers because of EU laws.

Mum Suzanne runs a patriotic trinket shop and has a pug trained to bite Albanians, while her aspiring councillor daughter Donna begins a relationship with Max Branning which ends because she cannot be seen with anyone so obviously EDL.

Soap blogger Joanna Kramer said: “EastEnders has a few Tories, a few Labour and Nasty Nick is a committed Lib Dem, but there’s a real lack of representation for fringe parties.

“Back in 1992, there was a humorous subplot when Video Shop Nigel voted for the Natural Law party, and they claim Alfie Moon’s Sinn Fein but it’s never come up in storylines.

“UKIP are now vastly over-represented in Albert Square in comparison with their actual support, which brings the soap in line with the rest of the BBC.”

The UKIP theme is expected to terminate next May when all the characters in the show will abruptly lose all interest in the general election and fail to mention it for two months.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Network Rail unveils route to Saudi Arabia

NETWORK Rail has announced plans to extend its Great Eastern Main Line through to Saudi Arabia.

The line will run from London Liverpool Street through to Riyadh stopping at Chelmsford and Norwich, providing a boon to commuters and pleasure seekers alike.

Although Network Rail has often been criticised for the length of its development projects, officials are adamant the route to the Middle East won’t be any more problematic than its expansion in Scotland.

Network Rail spokesman Tom Logan said: “For far too long passengers to the Arabian Peninsula have been forced to change at St. Pancras, Paris, Rome, Bucharest, Istanbul, Aleppo and Baghdad, which makes it hard to get in to work on time in the morning.”

“There may be slight challenges due to the thousands of miles of forbidding terrain and traversing two war zones, but if Network Rail is known for anything it is reliability against all foreseeable circumstances.”