NOT content with shots fired at opera and ballet, actor Timothée Chalamet has decided a number of other art forms are shite and for wankers, including these:
Miming
Offended? As if. When did you, or anyone you know, ever pay to see a dick pretending to be in a glass box? Exactly. And don’t give me bullshit about punching down on the less privileged. Audiences have deemed miming unpopular, so kill it and bury it in a glass coffin. It’s what its mute practitioners would want.
Puppetry
Why still f**k about with strings that shatter the suspension of disbelief when we have CGI? We don’t need you to stick your hand up Kermit’s ass any more. You’re doing it because you want to. Though obviously if any directors would like me to voice a character in their puppet film, I’ll happily oblige. That’s piss-easy work for a shit-ton of money.
Slam poetry
Poetry’s bad enough when it rhymes, but I guess in the old days daffodils were some hot shit. But poetry’s way worse when angrily performed by some trust fund baby in an Brooklyn basement. Nobody wants to hear an edgy John Cooper Clarke wannabe spitting bars about classism or the climate crisis. Learn to rap or f**k off.
Pottery
If you sit hunched over turntables clumsily trying to fashion a pot out of clay you’ve failed at life. We’ve got factories to do that now and they churn out thousands in seconds. Nobody’s queuing to see the latest blockbuster pot, which by my metric means it’s culturally irrelevant. 2023’s Wonka, now that’s worth preserving for the ages.
AI slop prompt writing
Scary, isn’t it, to find yourself agreeing with me? Regardless of whether it threatens my job as an actor and heartthrob, which it totally doesn’t, typing a few prompts into an AI image generator doesn’t make you an artist. Anyone who thinks otherwise should be forced to draw a horse by hand and not allowed food until it looks like one.
