HALLE Berry is the latest celeb to say she won’t be sidelined because of her age, although it helps that she’s extremely attractive anyway. Here are some more heroic age-defiers.
Jane Fonda
Jane has always had the advantage of being so beautiful she makes Barbarella possible to watch. And of discovering the secret to eternal youth in 1982: aerobics. So come on, ordinary women. All you need is 60 minutes of totally knackering exercise five days a week leaving you drenched in sweat. You’ve got plenty of time after work, once you’ve put the dinner on.
Halle Berry
Halle is quite militant about ageing, saying she intends to ‘reclaim the narrative’ that women are ‘done’ in their 50s, 60s and 70s. Steady on, we weren’t planning to have you put down, Halle. Also it pays to be careful what you wish for. After Harrison Ford’s return as Indiana Jones, doing Catwoman 2 in your 70s would be a death sentence.
Tom Cruise
Even if you don’t believe humans are infested with souls of dead Thetans brought to Earth by the alien warlord Xenu, you have to admit Tom is looking good for his age of 63. Let’s hope he’s not too affected by height loss as he gets older, as he really can’t afford to get much shorter. Unless he’s happy to play smaller characters, such as Grogu.
J-Lo
J-Lo’s thoughts on her remarkably long sell-by date are as follows: ‘Positive self-talk in your head really does create a beautiful person on the inside who maintains a beautiful person on the outside.’ Genetics, a personal trainer and top-notch beauty care probably played a role, but it’s good to know ageing can be avoided by thinking. Unhappy with your saggy, wrinkly face? Think yourself smooth and attractive, you lazy bastard.
Brad Pitt
Brad is another Hollywood star who’s chill about being in Death’s crosshairs. ‘Personally I like ageing,’ he says. ‘I will take wisdom over youth any day.’ Brad’s perception may be coloured by the fact that he’s an incredibly rich 62-year-old fancied by women half his age who’s looking forward to his next enjoyable starring role, and not an ordinary 62-year-old bloke whose main incentive to keep living is retiring to spend more quality time with his tomatoes.
Liz Hurley
She may have been unfairly blessed with amazing bone structure, but Liz is doing sterling work combating society’s prejudice against shagging 60-year-olds. Maybe she did a disadvantageous deal with the Devil where instead of youth and career success she got to be a hot pensioner and appear in Beyond Bedlam with Keith Allen.
