Middle-class family tanning absolute f**k out of their National Trust membership

A FAMILY have spent the holidays giving their National Trust cards an absolute fucking hammering. 

The Booker family, who have visited six National Trust properties in the last five days, have admitted they are ripping the complete piss and have no intention of stopping now.

Tom Booker said: “I’m surprised they haven’t put a block on our cards, because we are going totally fucking hogwild.

“Castles, stately homes, historic cottages, we don’t give a fuck mate. If there’s oak leaves on a brown sign we’re in, out, on to the next one.

“They must regret the day they ever made us members. Hundreds of pounds we’ve had off them and we don’t even go the tea room, so it’s pure profit.

“King John’s Hunting Lodge, two miles away? Don’t mind if I fucking do.”

A National Trust spokesman said: “Shit. Shit. Shit. Why didn’t English Heritage tell us they’d already banned these freeloading arseholes?”