Wednesday, 12th August 2020

Masks should be compulsory, says man feeling like twat because nobody else is wearing one

A MAN who feels like a right knobhead for being the only person in Asda wearing a mask has argued they should be made compulsory. 

Martin Bishop did a full week’s shop wearing a face mask and came out furious at the irresponsibility of other shoppers who he suspects of sniggering at him.

Bishop said: “I’m not wearing this mask to protect myself. I’m wearing it to protect others should I be asymptomatically infected. So they should have the good grace not to act like I’m the weirdo.

“If everyone was wearing a mask not only would we be reducing the risk, but people wouldn’t flinch away from me when I appear round the corner of the cheese aisle looking like Immortan Joe from Mad Max.

“So Johnson should make masks compulsory from Monday. Either that or next time I go shopping I’m leaving my mask in the car and not telling the wife.”