AN independent Scotland will have a spa bath, state-of-the-art multi-room audio and an intelligent fridge.
Setting out its blueprint for independence, the Scottish National Party said the country would be fully-loaded with the sort of optional extras that will make England ‘question its life choices’.
First Minister Alex Salmond said: I had my first Jacuzzi last year. It was fantastic and I thought if we are going to do independence properly we are definitely going to need one of these.
“It was so bubbly and warm. Honest to God, I literally had to be dragged out of it.
“Four big guys – half an hour. I was clinging to the handles.”
He added: “The sound system will be amazing. It means we can have the same song playing in every single room in Scotland at the same time.
“The guy from the shop said its much cheaper if its part of a new build. He said it gets pricey if you have to retro-fit it.
“I didnt ask what that meant.”
Salmond said that, unlike the opponents of independence, he has never missed an episode of Channel Fours Grand Designs.
He continued: “What I learned was that its all about the budget. Kevin McCloud is always telling people to spend way more than they can possibly afford, otherwise they will regret it for the rest of their lives.
“Im not saying we wont have enough money, Im saying were going sell all the nuclear submarines to Brazil.”