Nobody honestly believes the twat won't win

US polls have found that Joe Biden is leading by six points, has a nine-in-ten chance of sucess, and not one person truly believes that.

A Democrat victory is widely expected by nobody despite all the evidence pointing to it, because they all remember what happened the last f**king time.

Pollster Nathan Muir said: “I would put my shirt on a Biden victory. Conversely I’ve put a grand on a Trump victory because when it inevitably happens at least I get paid.

“The president is unfit for office, has no achievements, has demonstrably caused the deaths of hundreds of thousands, and is deteriorating mentally at a rapid rate. He’s got this one in the bag.

“Sure, the polls, but polls lie. They make you complacent. Not that I think record voter turnout means anything but victory for the atomic tangerine arsehole who openly hates half the country.”

Democrat Will McKay of Ohio said: “I tried to imagine Biden could win. It hurt me.”

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'Can I still go to raves, travel abroad, and hook up with strangers?' asks f**kwit

AN utterly clueless f**kwit has asked a series of moronic questions about how they can behave under England lockdown.

Contemptible cretin Ryan Whittaker was left scratching his head after having the four-week lockdown rules explained to him in the simplest terms humanly possible.

Whittaker said: “Ok, so, non-essential shops shut, pubs close, and I have to stay at home, but can I get on a plane to Berlin and go to a warehouse rave? Nothing in the rules pacifically says I can’t.

“It’s all no mixing indoors this and outdoor recreation encouraged that, which leaves a lot of wiggle room. Like, can I break into the gym to use the equipment or is that ‘illegal’ all of a sudden?”

“Does it count as a business meeting if Fat Nick owes me 20 quid? Can I get off with a Welsh lass if she wanders across my garden? They need to spell out every single thing I’m not allowed to do anymore. Mentioning me by name.”

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “I thought the penny finally dropped when I told Ryan the rules with the help of sock puppets, but then he crumpled up his notes in a rage and asked if he could still snort coke in nightclub toilets.

“I told him to just do what he did in the first lockdown. Turns out he got Covid and got fined.”

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