PRESIDENT Trump’s already-won Iran war is suffering some minor difficulties related the Strait of Hormuz cutting off global oil supplies. Which isn’t his fault, because:
He was attacking Iran, not the sea around Iran
When you bomb a country, you’re bombing a country. Only an idiot would say ‘what about this bit over here full of water? Is that a threat to us?’ And Trump, the greatest military strategist any New York realtor has ever been, is no idiot. That’s why he didn’t say ‘brief me on the sea. Is it wet?’
For a supposed strait it’s very bendy
Also, a strait should be straight. That’s just common sense. This so-called strait has, as any map would show, a near-hairpin bend in it. It is very inaccurately named so even if Trump had been warned about the risk of Iran crippling the world economy by closing it, he would have assumed it was about somewhere else.
The Suez Canal is, it turns out, on the other side
Nobody ever explained there was more than one gulf. And it turns out the one with the escape route to the Mediterranean which the British used to control until they threw themselves into a stupid unwinnable Middle Eastern war is on the west side. While this gulf, the Persian Gulf, on the east where Iran is? Kind of a dead end.
Conceding Iran has strategic advantages is what losers do
Presidents before Trump listened to generals with knowledge of the region in question and ended up so befuddled by facts they were afraid to even start wars. Trump, accustomed to greatness, wasn’t about to let that happen to him. Therefore whenever anyone brought up loser stuff about Iran’s impregnable mountains and control of straits? Dismissed.
Who even takes ships anyway?
Trump certainly doesn’t, having flown exclusively on private jets since 1983, and nor do any of the Arabian leaders and royals he is close friends with. Naturally he assumed they’d long since moved on from the archaic practice of transporting oil by sea and instead were flying it everywhere. After all, it’s not heavy like coal.
He assumed he could just bomb a route out
Ships stuck? Not when you’ve got the world’s most powerful military at your disposal. Creating a new shipping channel using airstrikes will be as simple as drawing a line on the map and saying ‘bomb there’. Except apparently not, according to the nations whose land it is. It’s them, and Iran, who’ve made this whole thing impossible. Not Trump.
