International

YOU thought you were fancy. You thought you could manage a little jaunt to France. Now you’ll spend the rest of your life there.

TEACHERS have reminded the government that they are all in France, will need to quarantine for 14 days and school starting in September is completely f**ked. 

STILL going abroad on holiday? Good luck avoiding infection, good luck in quarantine and good luck avoiding other irritating tourists like these...

A MAN from Leicester on holiday in Spain has admitted he is all out of f**king ideas about what to do next.

THE goverment has clarified that when it said ‘go to Spain’ it meant ‘prepare for a fortnight’s house arrest and possibly losing your job’.

ALL the middle-class twats have decided to collectively postpone their holibobs until October half-term, they have confirmed.

RUSSIA trying to subvert our democracy? Bo-ring. Who cares? Not the Tories. Here’s seven other plots against Britain we should never have looked into.

THE USA could choose another four years of Trump, or gamble on an even bigger twat by electing President Kanye West. Who would suck harder?

AIR bridges mean that holidaying abroad is back on, so beet-red patriot Roy Hobbs explains how to make the most of two weeks in countries full of foreign bastards.

THESPIAN Danny Dyer has confirmed he is going to the United States to have a word.