By Tom Logan, a 38-year-old chartered surveyor
MARRIAGE isn’t the same for men as women. There isn’t the same trust. Which is why I, as all men should, keep £20k hidden from my wife for emergency shagging.
It’s just prudent. After all, so many woman boast of keeping a F**k Off Fund secret from their husbands, in case he leaves her or she needs to strike out on her own. You never know, they say, and quite right too. You never know.
For example, you never know when you might bump into Sabrina Carpenter lifting a few jars at the George in town and get on well with her. A little too well. So well she suggests getting a room, except a woman of her calibre expects the executive suite.
How will you pay for it? Well, if you’ve been slowly banking excess cash without your other half’s knowledge, as I have, then you’ll pay with a flourish, order champagne and be nuts-deep while the bellboy’s still outside the door goggling at his £20 tip.
Or say you, through no conscious volition, end up on the next elliptical stepper to Holly Willoughby. Admiring her bouncing bosoms, you end up talking and she confesses she’d go up to a G-cup now she’s not on telly but her husband won’t pay for it.
Like a gentleman you offer funding in return for a three-year exclusive access window and a deal is struck you’re both more than happy with. A deal that wouldn’t be possible without the F**k Fund you’d stashed away.
It gives you independence. It gives you freedom. And it runs in the family: it was only after my grandfather died we discovered he’d banked £2,200 in credit at the local lap-dancing club, a legacy shared between his male heirs.
Open your emergency shag account today, men. Because none of us plans on an expensive mistress but sometimes they happen anyway, and it behooves us to be prepared.
