Five ways your parents' WhatsApp group will inform you you've f**ked up this week

PARENTS have always f**ked up but it’s only lately that they’re part of a WhatsApp group keen to point it out. Here’s what you’ll mess up this week:

Not buying more shit from the PTA

Mother’s Day? Valentine’s? The 332nd anniversary of the Battle of the Boyne? There’s no occasion some bright spark at the PTA won’t use to squeeze money out of you to buy PE equipment. Expect a flyer demanding £15 for a celebratory afternoon tea, which is four Asda scones still in the packet and a foil-topped portion of jam.

Not being sufficiently interested when Maisie gets a cold

Maisie’s has ‘the sniffles’ and her mum has pinged all 32 other parents in the class WhatsApp group to tell them this. You f**k up by not being arsed to send a heartfelt ‘Get well soon!’, a forlorn crying face emoji, or bothering to tap out a grammatically incorrect suggestion such as ‘Has you try Calpol?’. This proves the other parents’ suspicions that you hate children.

Forgetting it’s yet another sodding dress up day

World Book Day is bad enough, but the school keeps sadistically throwing in extra dressing up days, which is why you’re sobbing over a 17th century mill worker’s costume at 2am because your child neglected to tell you about it until the night before. The WhatsApp group is showing up your total ineptitude by sharing images of the hand-embroidered bodices they’ve been creating over the last three weeks.

Not doing paper invites for your child’s party

Provoke confusion and irritation by using the WhatsApp group for the purpose it was set up for and inform the parents of the upcoming celebration. This appears straightforward but will provoke comments such as ‘Have searched Theo’s bag: no invitation. Lost?’ When the party arrives you will be severely tutted at, especially as your party bags are judged as woefully subpar.

Not searching your child’s bag on demand

Noah has lost his water bottle, please can all parents search their child’s bag IMMEDIATELY? Mess up by childishly typing out ‘Get f**ked, Noah’s mum’ and reflexively pressing send. Leave the group through sheer mortification and then realise you should have done this ages ago.

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Aunt likes Facebook photo from 2011

AN aunt has decided now is the perfect time to click ‘like’ on a Facebook photo originally posted in 2011.

Facebook user Lauren Hewitt was excited to see that her aunt Mary had given a photo on her profile page a like, before quickly becoming confused when she noticed the date on which it was first uploaded.

Lauren said: “Like most people who aren’t old I barely check Facebook. In fact I’d forgotten that the album titled ‘Freshers Week 2K11!!!’ even existed, so god knows how my aunt unearthed it.

“I’m barely even in the picture, it’s mainly my two friends drunkenly jumping on the table in our dorm’s common room. She’s given an out-of-focus snap of my elbow a virtual thumbs up. I should really untag myself.

“This isn’t the first time she’s done this either. Holiday photos with my ex from 2014 keep getting shoved back in my face because she comments underneath them ‘Gorgeous Lauren. Can’t wait to meet him X.’ It’s like having an inept stalker.”

Lauren’s aunt Mary said: “I know Lauren loves me looking at all her old photos. Though I can’t figure out why I seem to be blocked from her Instagram.”