THE conductor of a train from London to Manchester has enjoyed his sixth climax of the day by telling passengers their tickets are invalid.
Oliver O’Connor admitted he volunteered to work on the bank holiday for the immense sexual satisfaction it affords as he gets to live out his deepest fantasy of ticket denial again and again.
He said: “Jesus, we haven’t even reached Stoke yet and I’ve got flat nuts. With a host of day-trippers who haven’t paid close attention to the terms and conditions yet to board.
“You don’t choose your sexuality, and it’s not my fault I get off on telling people their £85 ticket was actually for the service that left nine minutes later than the one they boarded, from the same platform, with marginally different branding. And get off hard.
“It’s just their faces as they go from dismissively showing me their QR code to realising they’ve got to pay out £110 there and then, no argument, no recourse. My cock’s twitching thinking about it.
“Of course, in my fantasies I shout ‘You thought you were so bloody clever with your Trainline and your SplitSave and your Delay Repay, but I am your master now!’ I don’t say it, though. Even on Avanti West Coast, we have limits.”
Passenger Julian Cook said: “He thinks we’re not in on it? If I wasn’t into submission and humiliation, why would I be on the train?”
