DO people keep arguing with you whenever you say you support Reform UK? Use it to your advantage by revealing your political allegiance in these challenging situations.
During a date you’re bored with
Have you somehow charmed someone into a date despite not feeling a spark yourself? You could always be honest and respectfully explain the situation, but that will be awkward. Instead drop how much you love Nigel Farage into the chat and watch them pull away on your behalf. Unless they hate migrants too, in which case just ghost them.
When a friend needs to feel better about themselves
It can be hard to know what to say when a friend opens up about being fired or dumped. There’s no practical advice you can offer, and sympathetic sighs are little consolation. So cheer them up by saying you support Reform. They’ll be reassured that no matter how badly their life is going, it’s still better than your new dismal political obsession.
If you’re trying to fit in at a flat-roofed pub
Strayed from your usual gentrified drinking hole into a rougher part of town? It can be hard to know how to ingratiate yourself with the locals. As well as avoiding asking for one of your poncey craft beers, loudly revealing that you love the political party of common sense should win them over. You may even find your new friends buying you a pint, or, better still, not stabbing you with a broken glass!
When you’re attempting to build a social media following
Social media can be a dispiriting place when your updates don’t get so much as a like from your dozen followers. But you’ll quickly make plenty of vocal, likeminded friends if you start posting about supporting Reform. Tagging the party in a picture of a painted roundabout with the caption ‘taking are country back’ will get plenty of interaction, and could even lead to a media career where you’re worshipped by nutjobs.
As you’re winding up your left-wing friends
Irritating left-leaning friends is cruel, but fun because it’s so easy. Their hope for a brighter future in the shape of Keir Starmer has come crashing down, so reminding them of Reform’s unwarranted success in the polls is a good place to start. If you really want to piss them off though, tell them you plan to vote for Reform in the next election. You’ll be treated to levels of liberal anger not seen since the Lib Dems tripled tuition fees. You may wish to retreat to a safe distance.
