Friday, 30th October 2020

Farage returns to work posing with a pint and grinning like a twat

AS pubs reopen, Nigel Farage has got back to the daily grind of being photographed holding a pint and grinning like a twat.

Having spent lockdown violating America’s travel ban and reporting illegal migrants to the police, the amphibian-faced Brexit Party leader looked enthusiastic as he took his first steps behind the bar.

Farage said: “There’s more to being a politician than maintaining a deceptive public image through naff photo opportunities. I’ve also got to put in hours of backbreaking labour sipping pint after pint, which the media just happens to find fascinating.

“The shifts are long so I like to lift everyone’s spirits by beaming from ear to ear. I might even crack a joke, but I don’t like to bring the mood down by talking about politics.”

Making sure the cameras caught his best angle, Farage added: “Cynics think I only do this for attention. But I don’t think there’s a single person in England, or indeed Scotland, who would want me to fade into obscurity.”

Pub customer Stephen Malley said: “I was worried pubs would be overwhelmed when they reopened. But knowing Farage could be in any one of them is likely to scare people into staying at home. 

“For that I think he should be knighted. If he wasn’t such a grinning twat.”