THE UK is now wearily familiar with prime ministers delivering overdue resignation speeches. We rate them from worst to best:
David Cameron, 2010-2016
Done cheerfully with a little whistle and the general demeanour of your financial advisor explaining to you that sorry, unforeseen circumstances mean you’ve lost all your money, but don’t worry it wasn’t my money. Clearly glad to be free of the responsibility and had already moved on. Expects you’ll join him in looking back and laughing one day.
Keir Starmer, 2024-2026
Not a public speaker. Went through his argument of why he should keep his job like a lawyer crushingly aware he’d already lost his case because of some irritating human element – ‘likeability, or whatever’ – he’d failed to account for. The bit at the end where his voice cracked only made Britain detest him more.
Theresa May, 2017-2019
Impact lessened because she’d developed a habit of hauling the podium out only to deliver an automated speech about how everyone was wrong to disagree with her, and this was more of the same with a resignation appended to the end. Attempt to go through list of achievements was hampered by there not being any.
Liz Truss, 2022
Enjoyable because by this point the UK was toying with her and waiting to savour the moment she realised she had f**ked it; a moment which has yet to come. Delivered the whole speech at her weird twisted podium as if she expected the Cavalry of Growth to crest a nearby hill and save her at the last minute. Still fun to watch.
Boris Johnson, 2019-2022
Grudgingly effective at the time, because he had charisma and a gift for a telling quote. Even better in retrospect because it was full of references implying that, like Cincinnatus and Churchill, he would return to power when his nation needed him. A scenario which, like Fantastic Beasts 4, has not happened due to overwhelming public demand.
Rishi Sunak, 2022-2024
Not his actual resignation speech. Did he give one? But the speech he gave on Downing Street in the rain, calling an election, soundtracked by Things Can Only Get Better, was the perfect sorry end to a woeful period in office. Almost justifies his whole premiership. See, we can ruin the lives of multi-millionaires! Voting is worth it!
