THE current churn rate of prime ministers means that you will be given a go in Downing Street before too long.
With the government burning through six prime ministers in a decade, studies suggest that, as unqualified as you are, you will be called upon to move into Number 10 to have a crack at running the country by 2034 at the latest.
A government spokesperson said: “We’ll have to get through all the MPs in each party first, but given how corrupt and incompetent they are that shouldn’t take long.
“By autumn anyone with a PPE degree from Oxbridge will have tried and failed, then we’ll work our way through Eton students in descending order of age. Once the 12-year-olds have had their turn it’s down to ordinary British twats like you.
“First you’ll be appointed by the King, then it’s off to speak to the press who’ll be shouting ‘Are you going to resign, prime minister?’ as you walk to the podium. 25 minutes of appeasing backbenchers, battling scandal and losing support to Reform later, it’ll be over.
“Once every bad relationship and poor financial decision you’ve ever made has been splashed across the tabloids, you’ll resign and never be thought of again except when you join the other 35,612,435 previous prime ministers at the cenotaph.
“Don’t worry about coming up with effective policies on immigration or housing. Nobody’s been arsed with that in ages.”
