Politics

THE Lib Dems have been warned not to think their by-election win in North Shropshire means they are popular or anything. 

BORIS Johnson is getting to know his new baby, Romy, and desperately trying not to think about the disastrous by-election result. Here he gives his advice on being a great dad.

I’M off to vote later, and rest assured I’ll be addressing issues like ‘woke’ and Muslims that make f**k all difference to North Shropshire or in fact most of the UK.

I’M not a complete chump, I know what you people think of me. That I’m a corrupt, incompetent arse only interested in yours truly, rather than the country I’ve bafflingly been elected to govern. 

THE biggest Conservative majority in three decades has been wanked away to nothing by a complete dickhead of a leader.

A MAN up in arms about having to prove he is vaccinated is totally cool about Dominic Raab’s scrapping the Human Rights Act.

TWO years ago, Boris Johnson was elected with an 80-seat majority. You thought it would go badly but not this f**king badly. Here’s a timeline.

TO win an election, Labour leader Keir Starmer must get the support of these key demographics.

BESET by scandals, with a one-year-old and a newborn and no f**king money; Boris Johnson’s life is a self-made nightmare. Could you survive it? Play our interactive game.

THE public and media have been ordered to cease all criticism of the government immediately or they will wake the tiny lovely baby.