Everton manager job advert heavily implies it is for Liverpool

EVERTON have begun searching for a new manager with an advert offering the chance to lead a ‘historic, prestigious club based in Liverpool’.

Applicants have reported severe disappointment at discovering the role is in fact with Everton Football Club, particularly questioning the use of the word ‘prestigious’.

Sean Dyche said: “Describing Everton as a ‘Liverpool-based football club’ is like describing Oxford Brookes as ‘an Oxford-based university’ or spam as a pork-based meat.

“When they mentioned ‘a past track record of European glory’ it turned out they were referring to the European Cup Winners’ Cup in 1984-85.

“Even the picture at the top of the advert was from the Merseyside derby so you could mostly see Liverpool players and fans.

“I’ll ask at the interview whether there’s a way to get transferred to Anfield if I do a good job.”

Former manager Ronald Koeman said: “I honestly believed I was Liverpool boss until a few days ago. I presumed we’d just been wearing our third kit a lot.

“It does now make a lot more sense of why I never heard a single rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone and why we tended to lose to people like Burnley.”

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Busy fox grabs a mid-morning mouse

A FOX with a lot on has just grabbed a quick mouse on the go.

Fox Tom Booker said: “Today’s totally packed, I’ve had a tip-off on a bin full of kebab boxes in a lay-by then I’ve got to head into town to pick up the cubs from under a skip.

“So this morning, I grabbed a quick mouse between appointments. Just stuck my head in the grass and snaffled one up without breaking a stride.

“There’s not much flesh on a mouse but it’s fine for when you’re in a hurry.”

He said: “I’m trying to cut down on red meat, but I’m not sure if mice count as red. They’re sort of grey.”