BRITAINS Olympic cycling success has invoked an ancient curse, it has been revealed.
Team GBs medal-winning pushbicyclists are being picked off one by one as retribution for riding in the Olympic velodrome, which was built on the ancient graves of druids.
The powerful East London mystics were killed hundreds of years ago in a war with early cockneys. The graves were infused with a powerful curse to prevent pillaging by cheeky, chirpy urchins.
Cyclologist Wayne Hayes said: Victoria Pendletons been advised to stay at home until we can dig up the floor of the velodrome, just in case shes mauled by a pack of black dogs with glowing red eyes while a small, pale child looks on.
“Just when you thought British cycling was on the up, along comes a centuries-old supernatural evil. Typical.”
The remaining members of the cycling squad have been advised to look out for plummeting panes of glass or Carmina Burana suddenly striking up.
Transport For London have also added druid curses to the list of dangers for cyclists in the capital alongside buses, taxis, pedestrians and being mistaken for Boris Johnson.
Hayes said: Things could have been worse the Olympic dressage took place on an old plague pit and vengeful spirits made the team eat their horses.”