Environment

The Daily Mail guide to not condemning manhandling Just Stop Oil protesters

HERE at the Mail we would never encourage the public to assault eco-protestors. Do NOT take the law into your own hands with these hippy scum who deserve a good kicking. Here’s how.

Steam locomotives leaving chemtrails, claims Victorian conspiracy theorist

A CONSPIRACY theorist of 1847 believes new-fangled steam locomotives are spreading trails of gaseous compounds to subdue the brain.

Sun will not set this evening

THE sun is to beat down on the country for a punishing 48 hours without reprieve, scientists have confirmed.

Britain cracks under strain of pretending this weather is pleasant

THE UK is breaking down after three weeks claiming that horrendously hot, sticky, sleepless weather is something they enjoy.

A lovely frozen carrot: tips for cooling down your dog he won't give a shit about

THE summer is here and your dog’s hot and overdramatic about it. Try these great ways to help your pet stay cool which won’t work and he’ll resent you for.

Six reasons, as if you needed them, not to swim in Britain's seas

TEMPTED by the gleaming blue-ish waters of the British seaside on this sunny day? Remind yourself of what a bad idea that is before you plunge in.

They're your turds, say water companies

BRITAIN’S water companies have hit back at criticism by pointing out that the turds clogging the rivers and seas all came from your arses.

We’re entitled to one fatberg per child, say parents using wet wipes

PARENTS challenged on their wet wipe use have argued that surely they are allowed to produce at least one fatberg for every child.

Dildos, and six other items there's no resale market for

NO matter how eco-conscious and sustainable you’re trying to be, some items’ destiny is landfill.

London snow more important and expensive than rest of country's snow

THE snow which has fallen on London is more significant and valuable than snow that has settled in other areas, it has been confirmed.