Environment

Palpable relief from TV weather presenter that shit weather confined to North

A WEATHER presenter found it hard to contain her relief that bitterly low temperatures will be confined to strange, faraway places like Scotland and Yorkshire.

How to pretend you're greener than you are to your eco-conscious friends

ARE your tree-hugging, save-the-Siberian-marmoset friends on their way over? Here’s how to give the impression you’re basically Greta Thunberg.

Dad assigning Christmas Day parking slots

A DAD has been allotting time slots for visitors on Christmas Day to prevent parking issues on his beloved drive.

London cut off by ice to be abandoned to its fate

THE city of London, which has been cut off from the rest of the country by the frozen M25, is to be abandoned to its fate.

Do you live in one of the most miserable towns in Britain?

RIGHTMOVE have released their list of the most soul-crushingly awful places to live in Britain – but is your town on there? Here’s your chance to find out.

The gammon's guide to telling your children the truth about the climate hoax

NAMBY-PAMBY liberals say you should sit down with your kids and discuss climate change. Here Wayne Hayes explains how he’s teaching them the truth, not eco-fascist lies.

UK one flight to Egypt short of hitting net zero

BRITAIN has fallen short of its goal to hit net zero by one flight to Egypt, it has been confirmed.

'Lovely light mornings' thinks woman yet to comprehend cost of time's evil bargain

A WOMAN enjoying a daylight commute will only realise the true price of her devilish deal with time at around 4pm today.

Won't someone stop these Just Stop Oil scum giving me an erection?

JUST Stop Oil has crossed a line by smearing cake on a waxwork of King Charles. It’s time to come down hard on them, and it's causing unusual sensations in my trousers.

'We're not pumping sewage in the sea, we're firing it at the French'

WATER companies have explained to customers on the south coast that they are not pumping sewage into the sea so much as firing it at the hated French.