Environment

BRITAIN’S miserable washout summer is the envy of the world, it has emerged.

SO-CALLED ‘environmentalist’ Leonardo DiCaprio has a big yacht. Therefore we must make Earth uninhabitable. It's the only rational response to a single act of hypocrisy by a celebrity.

SICK of day after day of shit summer weather? Try to cope by refusing to admit it's happening. Ardent Brexiter Roy Hobbs shares the tips he's learnt.

NUTJOBS think ULEZ is coming to enslave and impoverish them, not make the air quality a bit better. Here are the fears of the ones who’ve really lost it:

WANT to ignore the world boiling in front of your eyes for no reason other than pure reactionary spite? Expert-hater Roy Hobbs shares his tips.

ORKNEY is considering becoming a self-governing territory of Norway. But which areas of Britain would you prefer to lose than a quiet little island off Scotland?

HERE at the Mail we would never encourage the public to assault eco-protestors. Do NOT take the law into your own hands with these hippy scum who deserve a good kicking. Here’s how.

A CONSPIRACY theorist of 1847 believes new-fangled steam locomotives are spreading trails of gaseous compounds to subdue the brain.

THE sun is to beat down on the country for a punishing 48 hours without reprieve, scientists have confirmed.

THE UK is breaking down after three weeks claiming that horrendously hot, sticky, sleepless weather is something they enjoy.