Environment

WORRIED about droughts sweeping the UK next? Cheer up - we just laughed off the punishing drought of 1976, says increasingly desperate climate change denier Roy Hobbs.

A MAN with an underwhelming cock is making up for it by polluting the planet as much as he possibly can, he has confirmed.

YESTERDAY’S high temperatures caused a man from West Yorkshire to morph into a hot-blooded Continental. 

THE UK was apparently hotter than 99 per cent of the earth this week. Fact. So what abnormal behaviour did your weird neighbours get up to during the heatwave?

TOO hot, baking scorching hot-hot-hot stuffy boiling night and day, reports indicate.

THE people of Britain are blaming the heatwave on Greta Thunberg because she told them it would happen.

WHAT a scorcher and Britain’s loving it. Worried about climate change, like a Swedish schoolgirl? Consider the upsides, explains the Sun.

STRUGGLING to fall asleep in unbearable temperatures? Get a whole nine minutes of kip by following this practical advice.

FINDING temperatures in the mid-30s a bit much to deal with? Here climate change ‘skeptic’ Roy Hobbs explains why it’s completely fine and not at all worrying.

A CHEAP electrical device stirring air about is not going to stop anyone being very hot, scientists have confirmed.